Ya know how sometimes breaking up with a girl can just be like, the hardest thing to do?

Solution found.

okimback...

...and ON FIRE with this one son.

Woah...

...how fucking sweet is this?

Watch Classic Cinema online. Pretty self-explanatory I think.

Now all I need is James Cagney's Angels with Dirty Faces and then you can put a fork in me. Oh wait! One of the films currently showing - The Bat! Okay, fork me now.

I'm sick...

...fully. So don't go expecting much from FC in the next few days. Thinking of killing yourself now? Don't. I'll be back soon, okay?

Hey, I've got an idea! How about you spend the time that you were going to spend on this blog listening to David Bowie! Do you like David Bowie? If you don't you probably have no soul. I haven't met a man or woman yet that doesn't like David. I'd make him fish bowl soup.

Hunky Dory is a good album. And it's the only one I can be bothered finding. Maybe you should go and get Station To Station. Or Spiders From Mars. Why do I have to do all the work?

Oh, and by the way, I watched a movie the other night called Christiane F. The soundtrack is done by Bowie and it's about a 14 year old junkie in Berlin. I think it might be the reason I am sick, actually. It is also the reason I am going to stop writing this and go and give myself a home tattoo. I reccommend watching it. But, at the same time, don't. It's rough.

Hunky Dory - David Bowie (the password you will need when opening the file is 'Mussiqa.Net'.

This is so awesome. I love how, 'oh-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck' the drive away is. Slow and panicked. Almost an oxymoron, but this video proves that it's not.

I didn't know you could light penis-farts?

Eating pinapples...

...ur doin it wrong.

I had a shoe full of Baileys and I'm drunk as a bitch.

Earlier this year...

...one of my friend's worked at Cirque du Soleil while it was here in Melbourne.

When it was finished, he also helped pack-up the circus, and in doing so got given a bunch of stuff that the performers buy and then dispose of in each city, like computer speakers, furniture, things like that. Among that, he got given two shavers, one of which he gave to me so I can give myself haircuts.

Now, I'm not sure, but I really do hope that the guy in this clip used that shaver. Maybe he used it to shave his head. Maybe he used it to shave his legs. MAYBE he used it to shave his nether regions. If I am lucky, he used it for all of those things, and somehow, some of his amazing ability has transferred to me. I'm going to go jump on a tramp after work, I'll let you know of my findings.

I love Bats. And laughing. And I think the clip of Rémi Gaillard's Mario Kart IRL is fantastic.

If you put all that shit in a blender, you get this:

I sure do like this. It's a pie-chart, if you didn't know. And what it illustrates, is the proportion of colours used in world flags.

Nice work.

Chaz haz blog.

And it iz good.

It's basically the far more intellectual version of this blog.

Plz com bak aftrwrds.

P.S. I'm not sure what the s/f/s/m means, but I think it has something to do with gang-bangs?

Bacon scarf. I need this.

This image won Jose Luis Rodriguez the Wildlife Photo of the Year award, but to be honest, I think they made a mistake.

This is the Wildlife Photo OF ALL FUCKING TIME.

Oh man...

...if there is one thing that I always/never look forward to it, it's going out on the sauce with my parents. Without fail, we end up hideously drunk and up to no good. Last night was no exception, when me and my five sisters went out with them for their 19th wedding anniversary. Good times were had. Didn't get too many photos as I was too busy being classic, but here's a great one of Mum & Dad.

I think if you stay, something bad will happen. I think I might hurt you. You don't want to get hurt, do you?

If this doesn't...

...make you well up, then you have no heart.

And I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if you oppose same-sex marriage, you have only two options to consider; a radical shift in thinking, or suicide.

Most pointless, yet awesome hobby of all time.

If this doesn't convince you that soccer players are softcocks, then nothing will.

This guy could have sex with you if he wanted to, regardless of your gender.

He just chooses not to.

Well-played.

I hope Falcon's parents die of cancer of the eye and Falcon and his siblings get adopted by Santa Claus.

Some months ago...

...I was high, high up in the air, flying to New York City. This was very exciting for me. What was not so exciting, however, was the discovery that United Airlines still don't have TV screens in the back of seats like most self-respecting airlines do these days, meaning that entertainment options on the long-haul journey were very limited. No wonder those guys flew UA planes into those buildings.

I was bored out of my huge mind, and grasped at straws. By straws, I mean a copy of SkyMall in the seat-pocket in front of me. Now I realise why UA don't supply passengers with individual TVs! They have one of the finest comedy publications on-board instead!

I don't know if you've ever been in the same situation as me, and reduced yourself to perusing that pile of hilarious shit, but if you haven't, here's a taste of what I'm talking about:

The Best/Worst of SkyMall '08

Joshua Hoffine...

...must have had a terrible childhood, but I sure am glad that he did, because his 'horror photography' is terrifyingly awesome.







Joshua Hoffine