CHEER UP.

You'll possibly know The Dan Band...

...from Old School, as the wedding band who do a brilliant take of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Or perhaps from The Hangover, as the wedding band who do a brilliant take of Candy Shop.

Now you'll know them as the band who do a brilliant take of Single Ladies.



And I hate to say this, but Kanye was kinda right. The proper version of Single Ladies is really fucking good music video. Kayne West is still a complete fuck-bag though, and I am most definitely not one of the many blogs who are all up on his dick now that's he come back and made a couple of movies or whatever the hell it is he's doing now.

The artists responsible for this...

....rationalise it by saying it is "...a physical manifestation of the national players involved in the conflict of the First World War – abstracted into the realm of chess – a conceptualisation of mass violence".

My rationale would be that it is a physical manifestation of two players involved in classic shit – not really abstracted into the realm of chess – a realisation of binge drinking.

Let Me In....

...so I can burn your fucking house down, Hollywood.

I keep forgetting about this, and then something reminds me and rage boils up all over again.

Absolutely awful writer/director Matt Reeves felt that he obviously hadn't received the recognition he deserves after writing never-heard-of-it TV show Felicity and directing boring-action-bomb Cloverfield, so he turned his attention to something that was already brilliant, and just re-did it so that half-wit fucking Americans can get a hold of it and give him a big old pat on the back for doing basically nothing at all.

Reeve's latest bag of shit is a remake of the absolutely amazing Swedish film, Let The Right One In. Let The Right One In was released only 2 years ago, so the fact that a remake has already been produced is just mind-boggling to me. It's fairly clear that there are two main reasons for this travesty. One: up until now Reeves' resume reads like a parody of good film and TV, and he saw this as a way to make it look like he had talent. And two: it was decided that your average American movie-goer was too fucking thick and unimaginative to possibly watch a foreign film with those annoying little words down the bottom, so instead of marketing the Swedish film, just redo the whole thing.

Now, if you are an American reading this, don't get your knickers in a twist, because it's abundantly clear that if you are here, you're not one of the half-wits I'm talking about. I automatically assume anyone that reads this blog is highly intelligent. Or at the very least, moderately.

Anyway, look at this, and then never look at it again:



Fuck you Matt Reeves.

Look at this guy, don't you just want to glass him?



In conclusion, I beg of you dear readers, do not waste your hard-earned money on a ticket to see Reeves' hoax film Let Me In, and instead, go rent Let The Right One, make yourself comfortable at home, and watch one of the best films to come out in a long time.

Thanks Zoe!

Maurizio Bongiovanni...

...has a name that is fit for porn, but obviously decided that he wasn't suited to that industry (how come Maurizio?) and instead, turned to painting shit.

Thanks Johnson!